Updated: Jan 14, 2019
As I move through my yoga certification course, my readings as well as personal growth work, I often feel compelled to share the stories of my experience. As we prepare for next week’s workshop, I’d like to invite you all to begin thinking about what needs to be shed and cleared in order to enter into this new annual cycle in a new way, as the new you. I happen to be a pretty firm believer in a Universal law, a phenomenon that seems to express itself, As above so below. As without, so within. The external environment is often a strong indicator, a glimpse into the environment within that leads to the outward manifestation. However, even so, nothing is quite what it seems. As I meld these two concepts into one. I observe as the outside world teaches me so much about what is occuring inside of me. The people who enter into my sphere, money flow, energy exchange and unexpected missteps or miracles. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that I am you or that you are me. It doesn't even mean that who you are has anything to do with who I am or how I behave. We are mirrors, while we are also complex, multifaceted and multidimensional beings.The way we interpret and perceive the external world is heavily dependent on what's going on inside. Is there really an “outside”? Does anything exist other than the self? Or are we just projecting ourselves onto matter. Building synapses and connections in each moment, in attempt to find ways to make some kind of sense out of this whirlwind of human experience. The human experience is that of an artist at work. Each day we use our mind, intentions, as well as our own hands to build and project our own matrix that we must live and function within. This matrix is made up of our memories, beliefs, agreements, hopes, fears, and the labels we use to describe ourselves. I see this matrix as the aura or the human energy field. It is the story of our life that we carry around with us everywhere we go. “In addition to the fear of disappointing people or pushing them away with our stories, we’re also afraid that the weight of a single experience will collapse upon us.” - Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection There is something that happens when we are suddenly, or even become slowly and painfully aware, that the environment in which we are living is not particularly loving or supportive of who we are or want to be. What we eventually realize, is that it takes patience and close attention to detail when creating our personal matrix. Unconscious creation often leads to imprisonment, isolation, pure hell. And then when we hit rock bottom, we're lost and confused wondering how we got there. So how do we shift into conscious co-creation? How do we bridge our way out of hell into a new state of being that is in alignment with our heart’s desires? I've found that the biggest obstacle that blocks people from manifesting love and happiness in their lives, is shame. I know it was for me. I know that I faced the feeling of pure life paralysis many times. Unable to even show up as myself, because I was so full of shame and fear about the way my stories would be received. Growing up, my accent and the way I spoke was a constant source of shame. How could I ever show up as my authentic self, if I couldn't even speak with someone new without falling apart inside? And we all know what happens when you meet someone for the first time. They quickly skim over your web of half truths and immediately start judging, making assessments and assumptions about who you are and what your intentions might be. When we are drawn to another person and begin to open our hearts to them, we are instantly faced with the fear of our pain. “She could never go back and make some of the details pretty. All she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.” - Terri St. Cloud, www.bonesigharts.com There are parts of my story that not everyone can handle. There are parts of my story that not everyone has earned the right to hear. But I think that within this truth lies the key to releasing ourselves from shame. Releasing ourselves from “life paralysis” or the karmic patterns that drive us to experience the same nightmares over and over again. Shame can be characterized as the fear of being unlovable. “Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” -Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection I believe that the shame we meet within the depths of unrequited love can be detrimental to the formation of future healthy relationships when left uncleared. Unrequited love can damage our perception of self worth whether it be experienced in a relationship with a romantic partner, family member, or even a casual friend. Furthermore, to what extent is romantic love allowed without the certainty of something in return, in some way? Is the same type of love required in return, in order for the giver to keep giving? At what point do we need to turn our energy inwards, at what point do we become drained, fueling the never-ending bottomless pit of shame and unworthiness. At what point do we stop striving for perfection, and accept and love ourselves as well are? At what point do we give up control and just let love happen to us. These are the types of questions that 2017-2018 asked me. 2019 seems to be showing up with some interesting answers. As I sat across the kitchen table from my best friend discussing gardening and greenhouse plans for the upcoming spring, she spoke to me about her love of flowers. “I love growing flowers. All they need is a lot of love, a lot of water, and a lot of sugar.” I immediately started thinking about flowers, and women. I thought about what it took for me to blossom. A lot of sugar. That sat funny with me. I remember the influence of my grandmother's diabetes, sugar is bad. Where had that sweetness gone? With so many anti-sugar campaigns promoting better health, enjoying the sweeter things in life seemed to dwindle alongside my own severe gluten and dairy allergies. No cake for me. Imagine internalizing the idea that all sweet things may be somehow bad. What happens when your immune system starts banning sweet things and enjoyment from your life? I know what your thinking, it's just cake right? Okay, well stop eating and sugar, gluten and dairy tomorrow and let me know how your feeling by the end of the week. I'm warning you now, you're going to be an emotional mess.
How funny it is that the food we ingest is so closely related to our emotions and overall state of being. In reality, are all of the sweet things in life inherently bad or forbidden? After 7 years of readjustment and nutritional challenges, I have to say no. I was in desperate need of a different kind of sweetness. I had to start avoiding what made me wither and start consciously choosing what made me grow, thrive and eventually blossom. I'm just the type of flower who needs someone who cares enough to give me honey over corn syrup. Love, understanding and compromise over prescriptions. Someone who cares enough to try a few new recipes. How often do flowers bloom? Do they open and close every day? Some do. They all go through their own seasons and cycles, just like the moon. Not all of them thrive in the same environment. They are unique, and beautiful, in every way. They come, they go, they fade away. We call to them and they return in beauty and grace. One thing about flowers though, they aren’t ashamed of the way in which they bloom, or for whom. They're sneaky and quiet, gentle about it too. Then one day, you will be taken aback at how beautiful they have become. Aware of how dearly you cared for them, they will thank you in their natural way. For me, 2019 is all about being that gentle gardener. Be gentle with you. As we approach the next full moon and eclipse, I look forward to coming together in rebirthing our aura in a group setting. January 20, 2019 we will be gathering for group practice of breath, movement, sound and guided meditation. The cost of this gathering is $35 which includes the 2-hour workshop, a single terminated crystal wand, and educational materials. See details at: http://meetu.ps/e/GfJSW/4zMmY/d To sign up and hold your spot, contact Erica at firstname.lastname@example.org